Saturday, May 25, 2013
There are many factors involved in calculating whether or not you will be compatible with the person who wish to date. It is important to take these steps into consideration before you take the plunge - it will save your time and your heart!
1. Figure out your attachment style. Everyone attaches themselves to others in different ways. Generally there are three types of attachment styles, Secure: you are happy and comfortable with expressing feelings and being dependent on each other, Avoidant: you like to keep people at arms length and Anxious: you need constant reassurance about the status of your relationship. You and your partner need to have the same attachment styles - if not it will result in misunderstandings and conflict.
2. What do you want from your life? You have to decide what things in life take top priority: Kids, career, lifestyle choices. If you want kids, and your partner doesn't - DO NOT DEPEND ON THEM CHANGING THEIR MIND. They won't, and if you keep pressuring them they will resent you. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page in terms of where your lives are going and what you are going to accomplish together.
3. Do they have the qualities and share values you are looking for? Take a look at your close friends and family that you admire. What are their qualities and core values? Do you find yourself drawn to people who are honest, ambitious, attractive and have good family values? Be true to what you need and want in your life and determine if your partner shares these qualities and values.
.Make sure you can be yourself around them
.Sharing hobbies are a bonus but not a must - sometimes time apart from your partner is healthy
The way you dress, groom, walk and overall act reflects who you are to people. Maybe you are having a hard time making new friends or putting yourself out there in the social scene in a cool way... just read this and change your life into a much better person.
1. Be hygienic. People like to be near people who are clean and that smell good. So brush your teeth twice a day, take a shower everyday or as many times as it's healthy in the climate of where you live, and always use deodorant and a cologne or perfume.
2. Bring joy to your dressing style. What type of message are you sending to people through the way you dress? You like wearing plain clothes, larger clothes or plain colors? Well, try to dress more joyful, then. People are more drawn to people that look like they have joy in their lives. You do not have to change completely, but try to improve a few things. Brighter colors. Instead of going for pales, beiges, dark or grayish tones, go for baby blues, pastel greens, pinks or any color that transmits happiness.
Get updated in fashion. Make a research on the internet, Google about what types of shoes, jeans, shirts and accessories are fashionable right now. There are thousands of websites and blogs out there that can help you.
Do not try too hard. You do not have to wear everything that they say it's fashionable, but do take note of what would look better for your body type, skin color and personal taste. People look much cooler when they dress in style yet look like it's effortless.
3. Get a more flattering look. Go on Google and search for what types of haircuts and hairstyles are in right now for your face shape and go for what suits better your personal taste. Once again, you must not look like you've been trying too hard. A subtle look is the best. If you want to wear makeup, you can go on YouTube and search for makeup tutorials.
4.Improve your attitude. Do not slouch! It's not only bad for your back, but it's also bad for how people perceive you. Stand up straight, swing your arms a little as you walk and always look people at their face and make eye contact. This shows people you aren't afraid of life and they will instantly respect you much more.
5. Speak to someone new everyday. Go up to someone you do not know or that you barely talk, and ask anything. "What time is it? I want to know if the time on my cell phone/watch is right", for example. Then, you can smile and say thanks. You can also take the chance to pay a compliment on the person, like "By the way, that shirt looks cool on you". Try doing it to a different person everyday... people will feel more familiar to you when they see you next time after this, which can lead to more interaction and then friendships.
6. Go to different places. Go out home, simple as that. Get dressed your best, put on your improved attitude and go take a walk and eat something nice at the mall, or take a walk somewhere that's crowded. In these places you can practice speaking to new people, like asking them about anything. It's a great way to show people how cool you are and also practice your communication skills.
7. Read and learn about the news in as many areas possibles. Read about celebrities news and also politics news, learn what's happening in the world and in entertainment. The more you know about popular culture, the more subjects you will have and more things you will have to ask people in order to strike a conversation.
Friday, May 24, 2013
From time to time we encounter issues in our marriage which originate because of what we've experienced in our earlier days. A number of us go into adulthood not knowing what it ought to be like. We mainly remember the desertion we suffered in our earlier childhood days.
Most of us find it very challenging to experience passionate and romantic relationships. These experiences have not helped us cope in the real world. For many of us, we enter into romances and marriages with the expectation and desire that we won't ever be alone. We dedicate an excessive amount of ourselves to our lover/spouse and children, concentrating our total beings with them and consequently counting on them to help make us feel contented.
Regrettably this type of behavior has several flaws!
We subliminally project all obligations in our everyday living on to the other person. For that reason, issues arise whenever a spouse shows some kind of unhappiness with the marriage or the requirements placed on them.
Whenever they make this happen, many of us stress and panic. When our spouse departs, our concerns escalate. At this stage, you might think about trying to find methods for improving your self-esteem. Establishing personal confidence turns into a tremendous problem.
Its surprisingly easy to put guilt on the other person as soon as a little something goes wrong with the relationship. Its also easy to put the blame for the other individual for making us miserable.
Save Your Marriage
Saving your relationship when you find yourself the one person doing the work will lose all meaning. The important thing should be to modify your frame of mind and concentration. There are numerous approaches to save your current marriage; nevertheless it might be challenging to prevent centering on yourself or blaming your sweetheart.
The simplest way to approach this challenge is always to take a good look at your self and ask your self what are your skills right now.
You must understand that you're incapable of affecting your partners thoughts and frame of mind. However, it is possible to deal with your own!
To do this you will need to take responsibility by yourself for your own joy and happiness. However, this anxiety about desertion will quickly diminish. This is the point where the human simple fact about self-actualization kicks in. Realize, adjust and internalize this for your own use. It'll be the big difference not only within your marital life but most of all in ANYONE.
A happy man or woman attracts delight and it can start with anyone!
You can switch from existing as one sad, centered and tricky man or woman to one that can offer an atmosphere of security, faith and connection. If each one of you have the ability to grow to be self-sufficient, along with taking responsibility for your own personal life, you should have much less baggage and even more real love to give to your romantic relationship.
Your inspiration shifts from simply being an example of worry and stress to becoming one of true love.
Here are some ways to start off your very own life-change and also to begin to build self esteem in your own life:
. Let go of whatever is holding you back
. Feel that reconnection may be possible
. Examine your current role in the marriage
. Go to a counselor by yourself
. Find the courage to forgive yourself
A whole new man or woman and also a new inner you will help you reunite with your wife or husband, as he or she also will find the person that they at one time were fond of. He'll almost certainly also believe that that you're seriously seeking to save your marital life. This could make it possible for your ex to return or at least begin talking.
As soon as that takes place you'll have every possibility to work things out, go over your thoughts and ideas. This might actually bring about the real troubles surrounding your current marital complications as well as start to take constructive measures to sort things out.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
There are many ways of enjoying your life and having a good social life. You don't have to hook up a lot nor go out clubbing every night. But a these steps sure will make your social life better, help you to find new ways to have more fun with your friends and also give you chances of meeting new friends too.
1. Look approachable. People will not feel okay of going out with you or getting to know you if they look at you and think they can't approach you. It's not about being shallow, but about giving a good impression of yourself.
Make sure you are as clean as possible. Shower taken, teeth properly brushed and flossed, good deodorant, good perfume, hair clean, deeply clean and moisturised skin and clean clothes.
Keep up with a nice style that is still "you". You do not have to "dress up", but you should stick to your own style but in an adequate way, wearing what works best for your body type and what makes you feel more "you", but always clean and proper.
2.Go out. Yes, how do you expect to have a social life if you never go out to new places? You don't have to go to crowded clubs if you don't like, but you elect a day or two in the week so you can visit and have a snack or a few drinks at a popular bar or at a nice restaurant. Take a friend or two with you or go by yourself, but make sure to observe people, keep a good posture and look approachable. This way you'll have fun, relax, be seen in a good way by the people that frequent those places and even have chances of meeting new people.
3. Have an agenda. It's good to plan a little bit ahead before you go out. Write down what days are you free, what time is good for you to go out and do. Research on the internet to find out what are the best places to go and the ones that have the best prices for you.
4. Take pictures with your friends when you go out. Always take a digital camera with you. Taking pictures is a way to keep the good memories and even stimulate you to go out even more often.
5. Go places that you actually feel comfortable in. You don't have to go to a super fancy restaurant if it's not your style, or else you're under the risk of feeling "out of place", like there's nothing in common with you in there. You must go places that you feel good at, and where you're probably gonna find people with the similar styles and tastes as you. It's the best way for you to feel comfortable and more "yourself".
After being in a relationship for a long while, it may seem the relationship has grown routine. Routine can make a relationship fade quickly, so you owe to yourself and your partner to spice it up!
1. Define the problem. How did the relationship become stale? Failing to do what was done in the beginning or doing the same thing day in and out?
2. Figure out what put a smile on your partner's face in the beginning and turn it into a surprise. Mention to your partner, that you miss certain aspects of the relationship and would like to bring it back from time to time.
3. Find new adventures! Do something you or your partner or both have you wanted to do, but never had the time or energy! By getting out and trying something new, you both are creating new memories and bringing the relationship back to life.
4. Reach out to other couples who have established longevity. Ask them what their secrets are and incorporate a few into your own
Keeping an open heart on a date is a difficult process when everyone at their core wants to protect their heart from further pain and suffering. But keeping an open heart on a date is always achievable with some mental discipline and emotional strength.
1. Analyse why your heart might be closed in the first place. Are you still reeling from previous pain and suffering or is your heart desperately stuck in the past hoping and pining that your past will somehow magically become your future. Without identifying how and why you heart is closed it will be impossible to truly re-open your heart on future date.
2. Check your baggage at the door. Not literally but when you leave the house to make your way to the date, which we all must do leave your past behind. Make yourself an affirmation you will not think about any past hurt and you will not compare this date to anything connected with your past. Treat this date as the fresh chance to meet a fresh person it actually is.
3. Take a step back before you walk into wherever your date is. Look at the world in it's entirety it is full of billions of individuals all unique, that means that each and every person in this world has good and bad in them and have their own unique contribution to the world. Remembering this bigger picture perspective will help you keep an open mind that the person on the other end of the table, is not a replica of the person who has previously hurt you and this person has a unique story and contribution to the world and you should treat them accordingly.
4. Don't judge. This step requires the most mental discipline it is often second nature to come to conclusions about people very quickly based on their appearance, demeanour and the things they say. With these conclusions we decide rapidly if this person will fit into our lives or indeed if we want them in our lives. To really keep an open heart you need to not judge the person and their suitability to your world within the first five minutes. Remembering that this person is a valuable person and you can't possibly tell what impact this person could have on you in five minute or less will help you be more open. But at the end of the day the only thing that will stop this is your strength to combat years of accumulated behaviours of snapping to judgements
5. Offer some of yourself. Remember this date is not all about you and your needs there is another person at the end of the table. This doesn't mean monopolise the entire conversation about you, your life, your childhood etc but talk about something about yourself, your interests, your views on something. Being open to the other person about the type of person you are will help you keep an open mind and in turn an open heart.
6. Evaluate and move on. When the date comes to an end you should spend some time on thinking about how you thought and felt during the date, do you think you kept an open heart? did you give the person a chance? were you fair in the things you thought? It is healthy to evaluate yourself to give yourself a better chance at improving for next time. However you need to be careful to not over analyze and dwell on things you did wrong, once you identify areas of improvement move on and vow to get them better next time
Are You lonely and want a relationship that lasts? It can be confusing and tiring going from relationship to relationship wondering what you are doing wrong. Here is the key to getting it right:
1. First be clear as to your intentions and desires for a relationship. What kind of relationship do you want? (activity partner, sex, marriage...)
2. Set your focus toward attracting a person who desires the same kind of relationship as you. Put yourself out there to meet this person (parties, gatherings, online dating...)
3. Introduce yourself to people and have fun. Talk to people that interest you and just be calm, relaxed and have fun.
4. Ask those you connect with if they would like to join you for tea or coffee sometime. Set up a time and place to meet them.
5. When you meet them for first time the secret is creating a great relationship is in the questions you ask them about themselves. Get a sense of their beliefs, morals and relationship patterns. (Keep it subtle at first date and intensify the questions as you progress to more dates)
6. Respectfully accept all the answers that your date gives you with judgment. Know that if they don't answer the question as you would ideally like for a good match they can always be a great friend.
7. Be present to the moment, don't think about a month or year from now and most importantly have fun.