Tuesday, May 14, 2013

How to Keep an Open Heart on a Date

Keeping an open heart on a date is a difficult process when everyone at their core wants to protect their heart from further pain and suffering. But keeping an open heart on a date is always achievable with some mental discipline and emotional strength.


1. Analyse why your heart might be closed in the first place. Are you still reeling from previous pain and suffering or is your heart desperately stuck in the past hoping and pining that your past will somehow magically become your future. Without identifying how and why you heart is closed it will be impossible to truly re-open your heart on future date.

2. Check your baggage at the door. Not literally but when you leave the house to make your way to the date, which we all must do leave your past behind. Make yourself an affirmation you will not think about any past hurt and you will not compare this date to anything connected with your past. Treat this date as the fresh chance to meet a fresh person it actually is.

3. Take a step back before you walk into wherever your date is. Look at the world in it's entirety it is full of billions of individuals all unique, that means that each and every person in this world has good and bad in them and have their own unique contribution to the world. Remembering this bigger picture perspective will help you keep an open mind that the person on the other end of the table, is not a replica of the person who has previously hurt you and this person has a unique story and contribution to the world and you should treat them accordingly.

4. Don't judge. This step requires the most mental discipline it is often second nature to come to conclusions about people very quickly based on their appearance, demeanour and the things they say. With these conclusions we decide rapidly if this person will fit into our lives or indeed if we want them in our lives. To really keep an open heart you need to not judge the person and their suitability to your world within the first five minutes. Remembering that this person is a valuable person and you can't possibly tell what impact this person could have on you in five minute or less will help you be more open. But at the end of the day the only thing that will stop this is your strength to combat years of accumulated behaviours of snapping to judgements

5. Offer some of yourself. Remember this date is not all about you and your needs there is another person at the end of the table. This doesn't mean monopolise the entire conversation about you, your life, your childhood etc but talk about something about yourself, your interests, your views on something. Being open to the other person about the type of person you are will help you keep an open mind and in turn an open heart.

6. Evaluate and move on. When the date comes to an end you should spend some time on thinking about how you thought and felt during the date, do you think you kept an open heart? did you give the person a chance? were you fair in the things you thought? It is healthy to evaluate yourself to give yourself a better chance at improving for next time. However you need to be careful to not over analyze and dwell on things you did wrong, once you identify areas of improvement move on and vow to get them better next time
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